Is 4 minutes too much for you?

 Watch this. The red wagon, the IV poles, the face masks, the play room, the sad faces and the laughter. It's all familiar. We've been there.

Some people say "Oh, I cant watch that, it makes me too sad."  To that I say this: it made me sad too. To be there. To live it. It makes my heart break for those who spend months and years there, some never to go home. So please, watch this. It's a few minutes of your day and you get to scoot right back to your busy life. Pause for these families. Pause and be made aware, if only for a moment at what their life might be like. I think you'll see, that by being forced to make the best of it, we have a lot of fun. :)

Love is the how

Raising a 14 year old with special needs is interesting to say the least. People often say things like *I don't know how you do it*. Well, here ya go...

I change the batteries in countless noisy toys.
I wonder why on earth I keep doing that.

I watch her eat and tell her to take smaller bites.
I gross out at the backwash in her drinks. 

I snuggle her.
When she wants me to carry her 70 pound self like a toddler,
I sit down and snuggle her again.

I hide meds in food.
I wonder what she'd be like drug free.

I laugh (sometimes too hard) when she tries to copy her siblings.
Sometimes we copy her. She laughs way too hard.

I change her diaper, dress her and
fight her to fix her hair and brush her teeth.
I consider shaving her head. 

I get annoyed by hearing her incesently say mom.
I remember waiting eleven years for her to say it at all.

I sit next to her on the potty trying to will her to do more than sit on it.
I worry about puberty.

I go to therapy, do therapy and research therapy.
Sometimes I think I need therapy. 

When she wakes up in the middle of the night for reasons I can't identify,
I snuggle next to her.
I pray for her.

I read to her,
color with her
and walk with her.

I remind her to watch her step,
to stop picking at her shirt,
to use a quiet voice.

I watch her navigate the wii.
I decide she's a closet genius when she finds the exact scene she's looking for on netflix. 

I use a chipper voice and ask her to "be my helper" so she'll pick up her toys.
I use the same chipper voice with the family and get laughed at.

I conjure up ways to keep her pajamas on at night. 

I wonder why she can figure my tricks out but not write her name. 

I wash her bedding every morning because her diaper leaks every night.
I day dream of a self cleaning bed and automatic sheet changer.

I worry about her future.
I pray for those who will someday care for her.

I try to find a place for her, to help her fit in.
I sometimes wonder where I fit in.
I admire her lack of concern of social standing.

I get teary when I see her siblings love on her.
I get angry when someone is unkind to her.

I see the stares, hear the whispers.
I'm thankful for the knowing smiles, the kind words.

I love her.
And then I love her some more. 

You see, when it comes down to it, it's just like any other mom and child. Love is not the feeling, love is the how. It's how we keep waking up and doing it all over again. 
       

 ^{I Corinthians 13:7 Love...}

 "It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

Hands and Feet go both ways.

I was trying to convey some of my background and had a hard time doing so. I thought this letter format would help. A letter "to me", from "Reflections of my past".... 

Dear Stacey's mom,

I've watched you for a while now. Since you were in elementary school actually. Remember your neighbor Suzanne down the street that had special needs? You never did learn what her story was, but you knew she was different. You played with her in a big box from a new fridge. She thought she was a lion. She would even answer you in roars. You invited her over to swim and her mom was so excited because she'd never been invited anywhere before. She peed in the pool and then told you. You just told her to let you know next time and you'd help her use the bathroom instead. You were totally grossed out but you just suggested hopscotch as the next activity.

I saw you love her unconditionally, even though you didn't understand her behavior.

Remember Lisa in Jr. High? She walked with a very difficult gait. She was slow moving and was often left behind. She was very smart but her body just didn't work right. You thought she'd enjoy a movie and had your mom take you both to see Annie. You learned Lisa could really sing and had a passion for it.

You showed her acceptance at a very difficult stage in life.

You've always loved Disneyland and I saw you take a group of disabled adults when you were in high school. Your small hundred pound frame pushed a grown man with cerebral palsy around in his wheelchair all day. You wiped his drool when he got so excited. You didn't flinch when he insisted on a huge cheeseburger that you had to feed him one bite at a time. I saw you quietly eat your cold burger when he was finally done with his.

You gave him so much joy!

I saw you skip lunch with friends so you could check out Joni Eareckson Tada's new van.  I watched you skip youth group to work in the class for adults with special needs at church.

I saw you feel at home there.

When you moved to the Antelope Valley and looked for work, you were drawn to Desert Haven. They were very concerned with your (lack of) education in the field. In the interview you told the head of your department that you had hands-on education and felt nothing like that could be gained from a textbook. She gave you a chance and you became one of their best job coaches. You were a natural with the consumers there and loved the atmosphere.

Looking back over your life, I can see how God was preparing you to be Stacey's mom. Even the day you received the news and your world as a mom was up-heaved, and you were afraid; you didn't doubt your ability to be her mom. You knew God would bring people into your life to walk the road with you, just as He had placed you in the lives of others. 

I know it hasn't been easy, and I know you have seasons of ups and downs, but I know you see the blessings and I know you feel blessed to be her Mom. 

Sincerely,
Reflections from your past

****This song is a favorite of mine. It is exactly how I feel when others step up to help with Stacey and love on her. Even those who don't share my faith can be used by Him and I'm honored to receive the gift He gives through the hands and feet, and time and love, of those He puts in my path.

Is there something in your life that you can now see God had prepared you for?