Why do you ask?

Why do you ask?

Really, I'd like to know. Help me out here. 

If I say yes, are you going to think I'm some sort of hero?

If I say no will you feel sorry that I didn't have a choice?

I mean really, when you ask, I have a few assumptions as to why, but that's not fair to you. So here's your chance to help me.

So tell me, why do you ask "Did you know before she was born?" 

Maybe you're just curious. That's totally fine but may I suggest a re-word? Try "When did you find out?"  

Sometimes the response you give when I say "No, we found out at 3 months old"  makes me want to throat punch you. For reals. 

If I hear one more time these whoppers that yes, I've heard multiple times... "oh that's too bad", or "what a disappointment", or "Sometimes mother nature really messes up" or "thank goodness you have 4 normal kids to help out".... you best be putting a throat guard up. 

Here's the deal...
I wouldn't be a hero for loving, and keeping, my baby, my daughter, if I'd found out before she was born. I'd be her mom willing to give her the same chance at life I gave my others, and my own birth mother gave me, and your mother gave you. Nothing heroic about loving our kids.

I haven't earned any need for pity for being surprised after she was born. The way I look at it is this: It could be any of my kids! Any one of them could, at any age in life, suffer a head injury that leaves them with physical and cognitive challenges. And so could yours. Would you change anything? Regret that they were born? That's silly! Of course not! You'd grieve, adjust, adapt, and move forward. It might be messy and painful, but it would still be a mom loving her child. 


Well those who know me; know I'd rather use those moments to educate; and not on what happens when your esophagus gets flattened... so be prepared for a download of what a life changing experience Stacey has been, and how you really really should be jealous. Jealous that I get front row seats to daily miracles, 4 other kids with compassion up the wazoo, unconditional love and acceptance, daily lessons in humility and grace, a network of friends and connections I'd otherwise never have and the ability to see Joy in the little things that others aren't privy to. Not to mention, I get to experience God's mercies be new every morning, and His peace that passes understanding. 

So, it's okay to ask, but please, save us both from the assumptions and say "when did you find out" instead. Then I know you're curious and I won't have to throat punch you. :)  

Psalms 139: 13-16
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made,
your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.